Pants 0. Shit 1.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
is wine microwaveable?
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
