god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
