Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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