Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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