I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
