I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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