i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
