im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Randomize
