he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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