my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
