why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
