...so i touched it.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
