don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
This toilet bowl is my home.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
