Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
