I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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