I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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