i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
