her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
