i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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