Porn is love you can see.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
