i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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