i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
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I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
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I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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