I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
