Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Randomize
