i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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