You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
