You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
