I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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