East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
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