i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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