just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Randomize
