Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
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You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
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yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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