With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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