he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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