So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
