When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
