while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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