well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
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I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
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I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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