i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We talked him into tasing himself.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
