Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
