I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
