1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i would punch a child for taco bell
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
