woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
