I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
