are you still at the devil's house?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
