I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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