i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
