I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize