i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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