I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
he was CRYING into my vagina
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Drunk is not a location!
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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