I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
