I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
