oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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