i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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