I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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