In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
