You just made me feel so damn special
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
