considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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