I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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