is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
