i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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