weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Randomize
