we made out on top of his cat.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
